August 5, 2005
Funeral tomorrow.
On Wednesday, Mom and I went up to Nipawin for the day with Aunt Diane and Megan. It felt like three.
I had a massive headache all day Wednesday and yesterday. I didn’t cry until I talked to my sister on the phone Wednesday night. Unfortunately, she won’t be able to make it back from Quebec for the funeral, but she is coming back earlier than originally planned. She wasn’t supposed to be back until next Wednesday, but now she’ll be back Sunday night. In light of what has happened, she just really wants to be home with family.
The funeral is tomorrow at 2 PM in Nipawin. Another day trip for me, I work until 9 PM tonight and then at 11 AM on Sunday. It’ll be a long day, it’s a three hour trip there and then three hours back. And alot of grief between the two long drives I bet.
D will be back tonight, and although he only met Stefan once he is coming with me to the funeral. I need him there. As my rock I guess. My normalcy.
Roseanne came over last night. We biked to a playground that’s nearby and ran through the sprinklers. I needed that! It felt good to act like a kid.
Honestly? I can’t wait for tomorrow to be done and gone. By nature I am pretty happy-go-lucky, and I just don’t deal with sadness very well. I feel awkward. I look forward to Colin and Tanya’s wedding on September 10th. That’s when my family will be together next, hopefully with smiles on their faces.
August 5th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Its always amazing (for lack of a better word) the relief that one feels after a funeral is over. All the sadness seems to slowly dissapear and you begin to celebrate the good times that you had with the person that has passed. I know thats what its always been like for me. Like yourself I also dread going to funerals probably because I’ve never been the crying type.
Find comfort and strength in your friends and family and you’ll pull through everything ok. Take care.
August 5th, 2005 at 8:55 pm
Well despite what a ton of people seem to be saying - no it does not really get better after the funeral. It never will get fully better - it’s just different and the pain surrounds the heart for a long long time. Life isn’t ever the same again without that person.
And ya, it’s nice to talk about the person lots and tell good stories and things like that, but at the same time it’s no celebration. What’s the point of celebrating? You never ever get to see that person again. Sorry for getting into this. My wound is still very fresh.
August 6th, 2005 at 12:23 pm
I believe quite the contrary, and I’ve gone through the process enough times to know that things do get better. While the wounds may leave a scar, your heart is strengthend by it. It may not seem so at first, it never seems like that at first. But you’ll look back on this in a few years and agree that you are stronger because of it. Granted we’d all like to exchange the strength we gained just to have them back again, if even for just a moment, but that choice is left for God alone.
My best to Colin and Tanya’s wedding. It’s unfortunate to hear of another couple strapping on the ball n’ chain. Be sure to send them a “My Sympathies” card for me. ^_^ j/k