Daring to Be » 2005 » September

And just like that, I’m single.

Firsts and lasts, taken from Sass.

FIRSTS

First best friend: Sarah Hunter. She was my best friend in kindergarten and then she moved a 1 /2 hr away. We remained friends throughout elementary school but you know, as you get older you lose touch.

First car: My car right now; a purple 1990 Sundance. What a hunk o’ junk.

First kiss: I was about 2 weeks away from being 15. Party at my Dad’s, boy named Dominique from Germany. It was awful. I went home and told my Mom I was never kissing another boy ever again. Do they kiss differently in Germany?

First screen name: *~Brea~* on ICQ. Remember Clay, Kassidy? Shouldn’t we be married to him by now?

First funeral: I think my Great Uncle Jack’s when I was a kid. Not sure. I do remember Nicole and Amy killing themselves laughing during it because it was the first time we found out George Sucer was a real person and not just an insulting name from Grandma.

First album: Lorrie Morgan’s Greatest Hits. I remember I made two of my friends learn the lyrics to “Five Minutes” so we could belt it out. They were thrilled, I’m sure.

First pets: Black Kitty and Grey Kitty. Original names huh?

First piercing/tatooing: Ears, when I was 4. My sister was 6 and she cried. I didn’t. Therefore, I maintain that I am tougher.

First big trip: To BC when I was 6 with my Papa, Amma, Dad, Mom, brother and sister. It was in my grandparent’s motor home. The little I do remember was awesome.

First time skiing: I can’t remember first time because I skiied often when I was a kid.

First concert: Summersault when I was 16.

First alcoholic drink: I’ve had beaucoup amounts of wine at every family supper for as long as I can remember. Honestly. Not just “Okay you can taste it kids.” I remember twirling in circles watching the ceiling fan with a glass of wine in hand. I must’ve been about 8 and I was loaded.

First ticket violation: I’ve never gotten a ticket from a cop! I once had to pay $30 for a parking violation though. I was only 5 minutes late. I was so angry that my boyfriend had to write out the cheque and I just signed it.

First date: Hmm. I never really had a first date. Things like that don’t happen in small towns. You get drunk, make out, and you’re a couple. Screw the dating process.

LASTS

Last car ride: Home from work tonight. Whoohoo.

Last kiss: When I saw D at school today. Although that chaste kiss due to being in packed Place Riel can hardly count.

Last time you cried: Last week. PMS, what more can I say?

Last movie watched: I watched some of Ever After before going to work this afternoon.

Last food you ate: Mint Aero.

Last love: Was a rollercoaster.

Last temptation: This mint Aero sitting in front of me, not sure whose it was but it belongs to my belly now heh heh heh.

Last item bought: My Kinesiology lab manual.

Last annoyance: Two teenage girls hemming and hawing over a watch purchase at work tonight. It was 5 minutes to close and I wanted to get out of there.

Last time wanting to die: Probably in my angst ridden teenage years.

Last shirt worn: White teeshirt under my Bay vest. (Still on now in fact.)

Last alcoholic drink: Last Friday (!!) at PASS beer night. So it was gross draft beer but I drank it anyway. Hey, it was free.

Last concert: Wow… sadly enough, The Watchmen back in 2002. I’m not a huge fan of concerts though so not a big deal.

Last phone call: A very persistent and annoying customer.

Last time at the mall: Not even an hour ago, due to working in one.

Today, out of sheer insanity I am sure, I am at school for twelve hours. I accomplish more if I work in the library, so instead of going home between my last morning class (done at 11:30 AM) and the beginning of my night class (starts at 7 PM), I decided to just hang at school all day long. In fact, I think I may do this every Wednesday.

Here’s some cool news! Yesterday, while waiting for the elevator in the library, a dude who was also waiting said something about me being blonde. So while I’m thinking “I’m not that blonde, I only have highlights!” he must’ve realized that I am a complete moron and repeated himself… “I recognize you from your blog!” Heh. I may have to rethink my whole stance on not being blonde. Anyway, hi Percy! Give me the link to your blog. Please?

Oh, want to know how else I am a complete moron? There is a huge line-up in the Arts tunnel for students to earn $20 by participating in some sort of research. I’ve walked by a few times and read the announcement that goes something like “RECEIVE $20 AND FRE__SHEN YOUR BREATH!” Each time I’ve walked by I’ve wondered “FRE__SHEN? What the #@$& does FRE__SHEN mean?” I thought it was something like feng shui, but for your breath. It wasn’t until I walked by for the third time that I realized it said FRESHEN. Due to the size of the writing it had to be written on two posters taped together, resulting in a big space between FRE and SHEN. Yes. As I mentioned, I am a complete moron.

Also; what’s up with the huge line-up to be part of this strange research? I mean, I, too, would like to earn $20, but unlike other students I happen to think it’s a huge waste of time to wait in line for hours on end to get $20.

Even if it means I can FRE__SHEN my breath.

Wow. Day 2 of 7 month plan and it’s already been shot to hell!

1.Work diligently in school. Nope. Instead of reviewing lecture notes I took an hour and a half nap this afternoon.

2. Throw myself into volunteering. Didn’t make it to Silver Springs school today. Won’t tomorrow, because I’m going to stay at school until the afternoon to work on number one. On the upside, I have my tour of Silver Springs school tomorrow because that is where my Brownie unit will be meeting.

3. Start working out. Um. Yoga/Pilates starts in approximately 50 minutes and I’m in my sweats, typing on here, listening to the bus I should’ve catched for Yoga/Pilates drive by. But again, good excuse for not going; working on number one as soon as I am finished berating myself for failing at this plan on my second day!

4. Work on my social life. Ahh yes, my favourite goal on this list. Again, buhbye goal! Why? When awakened from my slumber this afternoon by my manager, I submitted to working for three hours Friday night. Not a huge deal because reason number two for saying goodbye to this goal is because I am broke. In theory, I could go out Friday night for the mall is only open until 9 PM, but seeing as how I work Saturday morning at 10 AM, not the best idea. On Saturday night I will be going out to celebrate Chelene’s 24th birthday!

Okay. I can’t be too hard on myself. After all, it is only day two. It takes awhile to get everything fully implemented, right?

I do have some great news to share; my cousin Monika gave birth to a baby girl she named Reese on Saturday. I must go visit. Also I must visit Monika’s sister Yvonne who gave birth to a baby girl named Kiera in June! I still haven’t seen her baby. Ooh, me love babies!

Onto great news for me; I found the papers I have to mail in to receive credit for French immersion! I thought I had lost them, thank goodness I didn’t.

Wow, this is much longer than I intended. Not helping my massively huge headache at all. Sigh.

Instead of a five year plan, here is my 7 month plan (otherwise known as until the end of this school year plan!)

1. Work diligently in school. Because of the obvious reason: I would kill to get into Education next year.

2. Throw myself into volunteering. Meaning I’ve got to get off my ass, haul it over to Silver Springs school, and beg them to let me volunteer twice a week. Grade 3 I’m thinking.

3. Start working out. Yoga infused with Pilates on Mondays (I’m not sure how that works), Fitness Yoga on Wednesdays, and good ol’ fashioned yoga on Fridays. Maybe a regular gym routine thrown in there for good measure.

4. Work on my social life. I never do anything anymore, and thought I was okay with that. You know, busy. But then last night I went out and had so much fun that I realized how much I miss it. Except for being hit on by a creepy Madonna lovin’ male in a red velvet shirt. Yeah. Makes no sense. Loves? Madonna. Wears? Red velvet shirt. I’d think equals? Gay. Apparently not.

So that’s my plan. Let’s see how it goes.

Hmmm… Chel and Nic are coming to pick me up for DQ. Yummy.

Does anyone else ever feel like they are walking on tiptoes, just waiting for something in their lives to crash and burn?

Call it women’s intuition, I just can’t stop feeling like bad news awaits me around every corner.

Maybe because it’s fall. Every heart breaking thing that has happened to me has happened in the fall. Maybe I’m conditioned to expect something to go wrong, when in reality it’s all in my head.

Must remember Nancy Reagan’s words: “A woman is like a tea bag. You never know her strength until you drop her in hot water!”

Onto more pleasant news, I finally have a cell phone. I’m very excited, let me know if you want the number.

Wow, that’s all the “pleasant news” I have for now. Sorry to write such a depressing entry. Hopefully the storm cloud clears, or even bursts. That way the sooner I can get over whatever may happen.

Quiet evening at home, can’t get ahold of anyone. I wanted to go for coffee and live music at McNally Robinson, but relaxing is okay too. Nicole, Chelene, Mom, Great Aunt Dede, and Marilyn are over, we’re eating homemade Eatmore bars. Yum.

Something to do, stolen from her.

Ten years ago I was just starting grade seven. I was lost, my best friend in grade 6 was a year younger than me, so she was still in elementary school while I was now in high school. Needing a new best friend, I discussed who would be a good candidate with my parents. Both of them thought Kristina was a nice girl, and so I made an effort to be her friend. For the rest of high school she was my best friend, until we made the unfortunate decision to live together after high school. A month later, I moved out, and four years later I’ve seen and talked to her only a handful of times.

Seven years ago I was starting grade ten. Boys were finally noticing me, and I hung out with a girl my age but who had been partying for years while I had just started. I remember she had slept with well over five boys while I had only kissed I think one or two. And for that reason alone, I am glad I was what is considered a “late bloomer” for a small town.

Five years ago I was starting grade 12, and was a complete and utter PUNK. Short reddish hair, eyebrow pierced. By that time I had more experience with the opposite gender and was nursing my first horrible broken heart over a boy from Nipawin named A. I hung out with guys way older than me, fought with my Mom a lot, and skipped school to go drinking. I shake my head at the things I did at age 17.

Three years ago I experienced a broken heart that far surpassed the hurt I went through over A only two years before; my boyfriend of a year and half slept with another girl. For a couple of weeks I spent every night with my Mom, crying my eyes out until pure exhaustion forced me to sleep. I wore a huge grey nightshirt to bed, it soaked up my tears. Meanwhile my boyfriend left notes under my windshield wipers and apologized profusely. I ended up taking him back, but our relationship went progressively downhill from there. I still have the nightshirt, it’s full of holes now, but it’s the first thing I reach for when I need a good cry.

One year ago I was living in Regina by myself in a tiny one bedroom apartment. I was working 30 hours a week and going to school full time. I was obsessing over a boy whom I now realize I wanted out of pure loneliness.

One day ago I went to school for two hours, went for lunch at Ozzie’s with D, went to my chiropractor appointment then had a 2 1/2 hour nap with D. He went to work, I hung out with Nicole and Chelene. Went to Tim Horton’s and watched a movie called Monsoon Wedding.

Five favourite snacks are chocolate, five cent candies, nachos, bananas with Nutella, oysters.

Five songs I know the words to are “Tiny Dancer” Elton John, “Money” ODB, “Goodbye Earl” Dixie Chicks, “Winter” Tori Amos, “Latter Days” Over the Rhine, and “Feels Like Home” Chantel Kreviazuk.

What I would do with five million dollars… first off: shopping spree for me and everyone I care about! Give tons to my family, and then stick the rest in the bank and live off the interest. Of course, that’s after giving $100 bills to strangers who deserve it.

Five things I would not wear include a shawl, poncho, tapered jeans, jeans that go above my belly button, a thong bikini.

Five favourite TV programs are Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, CSI (all of them), House, Spongebob Squarepants, and America’s Funniest Home Videos.

Five greatest joys are cuddling. Nights to myself where I do nothing but have a bath, read a book, and drink tea. Long talks with close friends. Singing along to the radio (only if I’m alone). Laughing… at anything and everything.

Five favourite toys… I don’t really play with toys anymore, but when I was a kid these were my favourites: My Hush baby (oh, the memories!), Barbies, Lil Miss Makeup, stuffed animals, my brothers matchbox cars.

Now you all do it too.

I’m loving Fridays. Of course, because it is the weekend, but also because I’ve had a deliciously unproductive day.

I had two hours of classes, then D and I went for lunch at Ozzie’s. He waited while I had my chiropractic appointment, then we came back to my place and had a much needed 2+ hour nap. D’s gone now, because he works tonight at East Side Mario’s, his new job. And moi? I plan on finishing cleaning up the damages in the disaster area otherwise known as my bedroom. So cute; I asked Madison if she’d clean my bedroom when she was over visiting on Tuesday, and she enthusiastically answered “Sure!” like it was the coolest thing anyone has ever asked her to do. I gave her a big hug and kiss for that, but don’t worry I didn’t make her tackle the chaos!

I work tomorrow, 8 hours. Another reason I am glad I have Friday afternoons and evenings off. A girl needs to relax. I have Sunday off, but I’m busy nonetheless. I have Safe Guide training in the afternoon, and then date night with D! I’m excited, now that school has started I don’t get to see him quite as often as I would like.

One coffee stained white tee, two water logged textbooks, a soaking wet bookbag, and a leaky water bottle. All before 9:30 AM. What a horrid morning.

Much better afternoon, thanks to my second chiropractic appointment. I’m finally doing something about the neck and back pain that has been plaguing me for years! The xrays show the following is wrong with me: minor scoliosis (yes, I balked when I heard that, but it is very minor, my spine just curves to the right a bit and then over to the left a bit), no curving in my neck region (necks are supposed to be curved and mine is straight up and down, which I’m told definitely explains the horrid neck pain I’ve been getting at least once a week for the past two years), and a lack of space between two vertebrae in the lumbar region (so my lower back pain isn’t due to menstruation).

I’m the most excited about getting rid of my neck pain, since that’s the worst pain I’ve experienced in my entire life. No lie. You know that God awful pain you experience if you move your neck too fast? Imagine that, but worse and for 5+ hours. Yes, maybe only once a week but still. You only need to see me once when I have that pain to see how miserable it makes me.

Mom has been bugging me to go to a chiropracter for awhile, but it took the pain moving from just the right side of my neck to both my right and left side combined with jaw pain and headaches before I finally got fed up and went on Monday. Good thing I’m covered under Mom, since I will be going for my third time this week on Friday, then twice a week after that for awhile. Friday I’ll be shown stretches to do, and I’m told I should go see a massage therapist too. I also am starting yoga next week! This (hopefully) will add up to a pain free Brea!

You would think hearing about what is wrong with my neck and back would’ve depressed me, but instead I am happy. It means the pain I’ve experienced really does exist and it wasn’t just all in my head. And everything is completely fixable. Now the only question is why I didn’t go before!

Megan is right when she points out that she’s the only one who likes updating lately. I don’t know why I haven’t. Mainly because I have nothing much to write about lately except for the day to day happenings occurring in my little corner of the world.

School has started. I’m not quite into the swing of things yet. Most classes consist of my looking bleary eyed around the room and wondering how the hell I got there. I’ve tried going to bed early but because I’m not used to it I can’t sleep. But I sitll have to get up early. I feel like a zombie.

The first few days have been hectic. Between standing in massive lines for a new student card, textbooks, buying a locker, and getting my student loan signed, not to mention being late for my night class due to not knowing the classroom changed, I’m about ready to call it quits.

Colin and Tanya’s wedding was this past weekend as well. The weekend started off pretty shitty because I lost my camera case, one contact, my perfume, and cut myself shaving all by Saturday morning. It ended up being great though, I had alot of fun.

Well that’s a really fired off quick entry about how life has been. You know why I’m updating? Because I should be doing homework. The procrastination begins.