June 21, 2006
“Fear not for the future, weep not for the past.”
Is it possible to feel simultaneously empty about certain events in ones life, yet at the same time feel content in the direction that same life is headed?
Today I wrote a difficult email to C in response to the one I received from him, and in it I think I effectively managed to put into practice what I said here: Since then I have learned it is possible to forgive someone for hurting me, without allowing them a place in my life as a friend.
Well, at least the forgiveness is a work in progress!
I risk making Megan cry with posting this, for she was close to him, but for that same reason I am sure she’s already aware… today would’ve been Stefan’s 21st birthday. Myself, I feel like I simply haven’t spoken to him in awhile, not that he is gone forever. I am perfectly okay with continuing to think that way, thankyouverymuch.
I guess the reason why I can feel happy, at least a bittersweet happiness, is that while I have said goodbye to C today (yes, again), and reflected on having to say goodbye to Stefan almost a year ago (like everyone in my family, much against all of our wishes), is the realization not much can be done to change the sequence of events which led to life as I know it. Sad and horrible as some things are, I would much rather get from Stefan’s death, anyone’s death really, the attitude of appreciating every moment.
One of my favourite quotes is “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened!” With this in mind I’ll do my best to be thankful for the years of friendship with C, and the lessons he taught me (yes, even the tough ones), as well as be thankful that I was able to get to know Stefan as a friend before he passed, and I was able to celebrate his 19th birthday two years ago today, just me and him, with balloons, cake, and going out for supper.
“We cannot change our past. We can not change the fact that people act in a certain way. We can not change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.”
“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”
June 21st, 2006 at 1:03 pm
You never cease to amaze me.
June 21st, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Well said Brea!
Dealing with those sorts of things in life is never easy, but it is those events that define who we are. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger. And to me, you seem like a very strong person.