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February 5, 2007

I will remember you.



One of the secrets on PostSecret really touched a chord with me. Papa used to always have lemon drop candies when my siblings and I were kids. When I was a teenager, it was Werther’s candy. Those two candies will forever remind me of Papa.I’m scared to eat them.

I am still mourning for Papa, which really shouldn’t come as a huge surprise, as it has only been a little over a month since he passed. But Papa’s death is the first death that has ever affected me this way. As much as I thought I was prepared for it, it still makes me incredibly sad when I think about it. I guess because he was a major part of my life.

Papa babysat me when Jaret and Nicole were off at school but I was too little. I used to take a nap with him on his green mat in front of the TV. We would look through a giant bird book he had, and I would help identify birds found in his yard. He was my date to go see Titanic when I was 15. He taught me how to dance. Papa would get this look in his eye when dancing with my sister or me, a look that said “Yes. Do you understand? Are you enjoying yourself?” Nicole and I saw that look for the last time when we went to Carrot River for the home’s Christmas supper. There was an old time band playing, and Papa was holding our hands and moving them to the music. And he gave us his “dancing look”.

Well, I’m officially crying. I just can’t believe how much I miss him, even though he hadn’t been the Papa I knew and loved my entire life for a long time. He didn’t even know who I was the last year or so of his life. Even so, he would kiss me goodbye and always told me he loved me, despite not knowing my name.

I miss the Papa of my childhood, I miss my childhood.

I want to eat lemon drop candies and Werther’s to remember, but I’m scared it will hurt to.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 5th, 2007 at 9:10 pm and is filed under Life, Memories, Carrot River. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “I will remember you.”

  1. Terri said:
    February 5th, 2007 at 9:58 pm

    *hug* I am so sorry you are missing your Papa so much. My Papa passed away in 1994 and I still miss him till this day. It’s funny how little things remind you of days gone by. Cherry cheesecake icecream and the Statler brothers bring back a flood of memories.

  2. Lacy said:
    February 5th, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    BIG *HUGS*!

  3. Chelene said:
    February 6th, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    :( *big huge hugs*

  4. Rosey said:
    February 10th, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    If you want, whenever you’re ready, I can eat them with you! Miss you Love you
    Rosey

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